Why the right venue matters
The club you choose can make the difference between a night you never want to repeat and the start of a whole new social life. Whether you are a crossdresser taking your first steps out, a trans woman or trans man finding your feet, or a non-binary person looking for somewhere you can simply be yourself, the venue sets the tone for everything.
The good news is that there has never been more choice. The challenge is that not every venue that calls itself inclusive actually is; and the right place for one person may be completely wrong for another. A little thought beforehand will help you find somewhere you feel safe, welcome and free to enjoy yourself.
Know what kind of night you want
Before you look at a single listing, ask yourself what you actually want from the evening. A quiet drink and a chat is a very different night from dancing until 3am, and each suits a different kind of venue.
- Dedicated trans and TV nights: events run by and for the trans and crossdressing community, often with changing facilities and friendly regulars. Best for first nights out and meeting people who understand.
- LGBTQ+ bars and clubs: broader queer venues, usually on a gay village or scene street, with a varied crowd and music. Best for building confidence and a busier, livelier night.
- Cabaret and drag venues: shows, performers and a theatrical atmosphere where self-expression is celebrated. Best for dressing up to the nines and a night with entertainment built in.
- Mainstream venues with a good reputation: ordinary bars and clubs known locally for being welcoming. Best for those already confident and out in everyday life.
- Social groups and support meet-ups: organised meals, drinks or weekends away, often arranged online. Best for easing in gently and making friends before hitting the clubs.
There is no wrong answer here. Many people start at a dedicated trans night or support group, then branch out to the wider scene as their confidence grows.
Lilley and Sabrina at SheWorld, London
Do your homework
A few minutes of research will tell you far more than a venue's own marketing.
- Ask the community. Online forums, trans social networks and local Facebook groups are full of people happy to share where they go and where they would not go again.
- Read recent reviews. Look specifically for comments from trans, non-binary and crossdressing guests; a venue's reputation can change quickly with new management or door staff.
- Check their social media. Do they post photos from trans nights? Do they promote Pride, Trans Day of Visibility or Trans Day of Remembrance? Are any comments about trans people handled well?
- Look for a written policy. Many good venues publish an inclusion or anti-harassment policy; some are part of safety schemes such as "Ask for Angela".
- Phone or message ahead. A friendly, matter-of-fact reply to "I'm trans; is your venue a good place for me?" tells you a lot. So does no reply at all.
Safety and practicalities
Feeling safe lets you relax and enjoy yourself, so plan the practical side as carefully as your outfit.
- Getting changed. If you don't travel dressed, find out whether the venue or event offers changing facilities. Some trans nights do; some nearby hotels and B&Bs are well used to guests getting ready for a night out.
- Getting there and home. Choose a venue on a well-lit route with reliable transport. Book a taxi home in advance or save a trusted firm's number; don't rely on finding one at closing time.
- Toilets. Check whether the venue has gender-neutral toilets or a clear policy that you can use the facilities that match how you present.
- Go with a friend. Especially the first time. A friendly face makes walking through the door far easier, and you can look out for each other.
- Tell someone your plans. Share where you are going and when you expect to be home; a location-sharing app can give extra peace of mind.
- Know the door policy. Some scene venues have dress codes or membership requirements, and some ask for ID; checking ahead saves an awkward moment at the door. LGBTQ+ venues are well used to seeing ID in a different name or gender to how someone is presenting, so it shouldn't raise an eyebrow there; but it's worth deciding beforehand whether you'd be comfortable showing it.
Nicola, Jane and Jessica at St Mary's, Cardiff
Welcoming or just tolerant?
There is a big difference between a venue that lets you in and one that is genuinely glad you came. Here are some signs to look out for.
Signs of a genuinely welcoming venue
- Staff use your name and pronouns without fuss
- Trans and non-binary people are visible among the regulars and staff
- Harassment is dealt with quickly and firmly
- Trans events are promoted all year round
- Door staff treat you like any other guest
Signs a venue merely tolerates you
- Staff hesitate, stare or misgender you repeatedly
- You are the only one, and you feel it
- Complaints are shrugged off
- Inclusion only appears during Pride month
- You're questioned or searched differently at the door
Trust your instincts. If a place doesn't feel right, you are under no obligation to stay; there will always be somewhere better.
Your first night out
Nerves are completely normal; almost everyone on the scene remembers their first time walking through those doors.
- Go early. Venues are quieter earlier in the evening, which gives you time to settle in, find your bearings and chat to the bar staff before the crowds arrive.
- Dress for comfort as well as style. Shoes you can actually stand and dance in will make a huge difference by midnight.
- Say hello. Regulars at trans nights are usually delighted to welcome newcomers; a simple "It's my first time here" often opens the door to a great conversation.
- Respect everyone's privacy. Never photograph or post pictures of other guests without asking; some people are not out in their everyday lives.
- Pace yourself. Enjoy a drink, but stay aware of your surroundings and your journey home.
- Don't judge the scene on one night. If the first venue isn't for you, try another. The right fit is out there.
Hope and Jessica at ID Club, Thessaloniki
Be yourself, and enjoy it
Finding your place on the scene is a journey, not a single night. Take it at your own pace, lean on the community and remember that you deserve to feel welcome wherever you choose to go.
And if you'd like to capture the confident, beautiful you before your next big night out, I'd love to help. At Richard's Photography I specialise in portraits for the transgender, non-binary and crossdressing community, in a relaxed, private studio in Kemsing, Kent, with a discount for members of the trans community. Get in touch to book your shoot.
Nervous about walking through those doors alone? I'm happy to come along with you to a venue. If you're local, or one of us doesn't mind travelling, just get in touch and we can arrange a night out together.
